Gaining trust of strong protectors: Bob identifies 3 key messages for gaining their trust:
Respect, Permission, Hope
Respect:
◦ “What you’re doing makes absolute sense”
◦ “You’re heroic, you’re trying so hard to keep X protected”
◦ “We don’t want to put you out of a job, we want to get you a promotion, you’re really
important here”
Permission:
◦ “We won’t go anywhere without your permission. Take all the time you need.”
◦ “We’re not going to do this if you don’t want to, you just let us know. You can afford to be
honest and direct with us.”
Hope:
◦ “There is no human suffering, so terrible it can not be made better”
◦ “When and if you’re ready – we can go there together and make it better”
Note: When a protector digs in its heels, you can think through which of these message groups
needs more focus.
Creating an alliance with skeptical parts:
They’re used to being told to shut up.
Instead, try:
◦ “You’re welcome here, please come forward, don’t go away. You’re intelligent, you have
clear sight, you’re very important”
◦ “Every scientist knows there are who basic phases of research, data collection and
analysis. It’s too soon for analysis, so would you please stay around and help us with data
collection?”
◦ “Help us with this huge, important job of understanding what’s happening in the inner
world.”
There’s only one plausible answer for the skeptical parts: “can XXX in the days, weeks, months
and years ahead live their life more meaning fully, easily and freely?”
Parts holding fear:
• Expect figuring out parts and exiles to be activated by anything past life emerging. Use classical
IFS to engage with them/gain permission.
• “Remember we’re swimming in a culture that ignores the unseen”.
Protocol with Past Lives:
Q: “What slice of the pie is from your present life? What otherwise belongs to somewhere else?”
(Note: at first, don’t move into the intellectual process of working out if it’s a past life/legacy
burden. Just meet what is arising with curiosity.)
* Focus in on how that person died (very likely it will be an act of violence)
Q: “Are any of your parts going to miss this (past life/external energy) when it’s gone?” Work with
these first, gain permission.
* Witness the death from Self (This is a crucial step in the process, but remember that this can
bring up protectors/resistance.. you might have to work with the skeptic/fearful parts)
Q: “What happened to you right after you died? After the body died?” Almost always the spirit did
not want to leave this plane.. it was afraid to go on and transform. Or perhaps a vow was made at
the time of death i.e. a “rage vow”, or a mother’s love vow “I can’t leave them, I can’t leave them”.
Or they believe they have “done something so horrible that they wouldn’t be accepted in heaven/
afterlife”.
*Come back to the client’s present: ask the system “Hi gang, how is everyone doing inside?”
(Especially check-in with the skeptics!)
*Expect regular burdens to be mixed in amongst all of this/classical IFS
*At the end, either:
(1) invite guides or guidance (“sometimes there are things present in these moments which are
here to guide or help you, can you look around and see if you’re aware of any now?”)
OR (2) provide a sealing light meditation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_DIaqN-
K0g&themeRefresh=1). You don’t want to leave a vacuum or hole once external energy is gone.
*Dont be afraid to involve the body in the process: dance, shaking, intuitive movement can be
very supportive.
Various notes:
◦ This work is about becoming more and more ok with ‘not knowing’
◦ Confusion is curiosity mixed with a little fear -> “Can you breathe yourself a little larger?”
(Kay Gardner quote) when confusion arises.
◦ Confusion/not-knowing is a state of grace: you can only learn new stuff, when you have no
idea what’s going on. This is where growth happens.
◦ The most ancient river of knowledge in us is in our breathe, in our tissues, give client
permission to breathe and move.
◦ 90 percent of burdens are unburdened automatically at the time of death/shortly after =
that’s why its so safe to invite in the energy of deceased relatives (i.e. the higher self of
grandpa)